Everything is “so” something.
If it’s not so something, it’s so not worth talking about.

Ask a rhetorical question, then immediately answer it.
Why would any writer do something like that? Because it’s awesome, that’s why.

Skirt the edge between sarcasm and sincerity, so you could be construed either way.
It’s no good to clearly express your opinion. Oh, no. Better to safely retreat behind a constant sly smirk. That’ll keep them guessing, and set things up so that you can never be wrong. Yeah.

Strikethrough is your friend.
It’s a clever typographical device that opens up a whole new way to be a knee-jerk smartass express your thoughts.

So is italic.
I mean, duh.

Sprinkle in useless metaphors and orthogonal pop-cultural references.
That makes the writing more spicy— like a taco lovingly slathered with Tapatío brand hot sauce. ¡Muy Salsa!

And above all… never forget to exaggerate.
Because hyperbole is the essence of wit, and what makes this all-too-short life worth living.